Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
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