Redeem this text for a blowjob
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
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The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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