Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
