oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
