Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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