i think my mom watched the whole time
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
