she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
