do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
