I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
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