My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
