2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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