i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
