I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
