This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
