I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
