I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
