with your own penis?
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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