I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize