I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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