Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
