How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
