I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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