Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
