I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
