Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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