I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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