I wannas sexs uuuuu
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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