dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
