2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is