Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!