So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
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Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
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He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!