If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Well I just put wine in my tea
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
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