I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?