If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
