Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
