Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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