I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
