oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
