I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
