last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
