all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Randomize
