Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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