i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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