I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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