oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
