well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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