You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
