I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
