a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize