Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
