I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
