Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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