Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
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