its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Randomize
