He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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