ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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