The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
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Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
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i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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