So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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