I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
this boner is exhausting
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
