Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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