Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
