Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
