3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
