I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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