I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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