Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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