I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
