Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
