And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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