Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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