A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
