somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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