feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
