I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
