hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
