i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize