piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
