you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize