Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
