The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
