So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
