he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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