dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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