Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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