he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
