I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
