Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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