I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
