I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Randomize
